Saturday, May 07, 2005

Thoughts on Flight #1 out of Dulles

You know I'm not generally afraid on planes, even of dying. But last night, during some fairly mild turbulence, suddenly I was terrified. Not over the possible consequences to me, but over the possibility that I wouldn't ever see you again -- you not being there at the end, and me not having the opportunity to say goodbye. I mean, we said goodbye when you dropped me off at the airport, but as I contemplated the possibility of death, however slim, it felt like our farewells were perfunctory. At least it felt like mine was, relative to what I'd want to say if I had any inkling that it could be the final farewell.

I love you with every fiber of my being. Indeed, over time, I know our love has grown deeper, and keeps evolving, to depths I wouldn't have thought possible on our wedding day. So it hurts me to think I'm capable of taking you for granted in any way, even when it's just taking for granted that you'll always be there. I am only consoled by the fact that it's human nature. Regardless, I of course did survive, and my brief thoughts on death last night reset my complacency meter back to zero. Be assured that my greeting at Dulles tomorrow night will reflect that.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you got a fright last night. Thank you for your loving words and thoughts. It's funny because, as we left one another last night, I was thinking about how much I would miss you. I always do when you're out of town.
In some respects, we do take one another for granted sometimes. It's comfortable and cozy and peaceful just to know, without thinking, that another person will love you and be there for you.

In other respects, however, we acknowledge each other and our love every day. It's in every gentle touch and brief embrace. It's in meeting each other's eye when we're talking, even if we're not talking about anything important. It's in every shared giggle and moment of goofiness. And it's in every moment of shared silence. I know what you feel for me and, although I would be devasted if I lost you, I would never wonder where we stood. I hope you can say the same.

I love you with every ounce of my being, too.